In case you hadn’t guessed already.

There has been an urgent mandate for this particular soapbox of a site for many years now, actually since before there was much of an Internet. I’ve known since that summer day in ‘89 that I would eventually have to take the donkey by the reins and really smash on the work of a lot of people more industrious and talented than I. Because they screwed it up, almost without exception*, and because after all this time and lip service they still don’t get comics, and they ought to, there’s a good reason they’re all suckling at the hairy teats of Stan Lee and a thousand other homely souls, and because, goddamn it, at the end of the day it needs to be said, that’s all. Or else it’s just me who needs to say it, which is as good, or better for my purposes.

* I will allow and actually celebrate those exceptions, for they are great, or at least OK.

Look for these exciting adventures in future issues, boys and girls: old Uncle Chappy is going to flay the skin off of some seriously bloated corpses, including: double colons and:

Batman (89),

Batman Begins < — > Batman: Year One,

X-Men < — > Chris Claremont era X-series,

The Hulk,

Fantastic Four < — > ?,

Daredevil <—> Miller-era DD,

Elektra < — > various Miller,

Hellboy < — > Hellboy,

Sin City < — > Sin City,

300 < — > 300,

From Hell < — > From Hell,

League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen < — > League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen,

Swamp Thing < — > Swamp Thing,

Watchmen < — > ???,

V For Vendetta < — > V For Vendetta,

Serenity < — > that Whedon thing,

Ghost Rider < — > Ghost Rider series,

The Punisher < — > The Punisher.

Ironically, many (if not, in fact, all) of the best comic-book movies were never comics in the first place**:
- Army Of Darkness
- The Incredibles
- Darkman
- Wild At Heart
and, of course,
- The Matrix

** A theme we’ll return to from several angles of attack.

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This is the work of a crank.

This is the work of a crank.

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